– It might just turn you into the real thing –
Make a good sound by playing a lot over the sound hole.
Play in time – always. Don’t stop to fish for right notes, settle for a wrong one and leave it at that.
If you are playing with others and make a mistake glance over slowly at one of them. Listeners will think they made the mistake, not you.
When you’re not sure what the music is about, play loudly.
Use a tuner that hides behind the peg box, so no one thinks you can’t tune the guitar without it.
Tune quietly and take your time if you have to. Loud tuning is gross.
Practice a good opening. During the middle, with a bit of luck, the listeners will drift off into some world of their imagination inspired by your opening, and not notice the errors.
Practice a strong ending. This will convince any doubters that you must be quite good to be receiving so much applause.
If you speak, do it quite slowly and with confidence. That way the audience will think you are a serious artist some way above your true status.
Performers are best advised to bow discreetly by not bending over too much. Otherwise blokes look as if they are checking whether they’ve done up their flies. The danger for women leaning forward is that their bits and bobs might fall out.
Well, that’s it folks. By following this bluffer’s guide, players might actually become quite good in the process. Now, that is what I call weird.
Thank you for reading.
adapted from my article first published on 25th October, 2014.